Make sure to always use these words… IF you want to kill friendships, business deals and alienate people.
No, But, However, along with a list of other “You’re Wrong, I’m Right” words and phrases are chasing off your customers and friends.
There is not a proper or beneficial way to use No, But, However that will convince people and clients that you are smarter, more powerful or more valuable than they are.
(Related information: Trust and Respect, page 9 in; aHomeownersGuide)
When you use these words and phrases, you are not suggesting that “I have a different opinion” but rather you convey, YOU”RE WRONG, NOW LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!
EXERCISE: Hand a trusted work buddy $10 in one dollar bills and tell them; “each time that I use one of these words or phrases, take one dollar and put it in your pocket. Those single dollar bills will become yours to keep, the remaining dollar bills will be returned to me at the end of the work day… if there are any remaining bills at all”.
Do this every day until you break the habit… or run out of paycheck. Which ever comes first.
If you do not know what to say or how to say it, SAY NOTHING at all. Ask yourself, “If I make my next statement, will it make a significant difference in closing the deal or confirming our friendship, or might it possibly suggest that they are wrong and I am right”.
What are you actually saying when you say no, but or however:
- I’m right, you’re wrong.
- I am more powerful than you.
- I’m a winner, you’re a loser.
- What you have to say is insignificant.
- I just pooped on what you had to say, I WIN!
- And the list goes on.
IF YOU ARE ON THE RECEIVING END
If a contractor, company, service provider, family member or friend uses these words or phrases on you, kindly thank them for their time and send them on their way or you be on your way. These people are playing a game of “I’m a winner, you’re a loser”. They obviously are lacking respect for you.
Remember, they have the problem, not you. Be polite, excuse yourself gracefully. Do not retaliate or try to participate in their secret power war games. Life is too sweet and precious to waste even a minute.